The following story is true.
When I was a kid, I discovered I had the ability to mimic the voices and mannerisms of people. I started with impressions of my teachers to the delight of my fellow classmates. This was fun until one of my teachers caught me doing an impression of him. Although he was impressed that I had captured his cadence, timbre, and physical characteristics, he suggested I should find others to mimic who did not have the power to sentence me to permanent after-school detention.
So, I did. I watched movies and television shows to find stars to imitate. I also began listening to comedy record albums of Bob Newhart, Shelly Berman, and others. (Note for the younger readers: records are these big plastic discs we played on a record player to hear recordings. This was back in the Dark Ages before there was Amazon Music, iTunes, and Spotify.)
A friend of mine told me they were looking for someone to play Ed Sullivan in our high school operetta Bye Bye Birdie. He knew I could do the impression and had suggested me for the part. I auditioned and got the role.
The Ed Sullivan Show becomes The Dead Sullivan Show
Years later, I was working as a standup in comedy clubs and using impressions in my show. Some of the other comics kidded me that most of my impression bits were of dead people and gave them the nickname The Dead Sullivan Show. I thought that was funny, but I got the message. They were right.
My comedy act had impressions of John Wayne, Jack Benny, Jimmy Stewart, Humphrey Bogart, Walter Brennan, and others in my act who were all deceased. That included Kermit the Frog who, although not technically dead, had never been alive.
So, I stopped doing my impressions in the comedy clubs and one-nighters which turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I was forced to concentrate on writing jokes and comedy bits. Turns out, some were actually funny. However, I continued to use my impressions for some corporate shows and commercial voiceovers.
Land Comic Becomes Sea Comic
When I began working on cruise ships as a fly-on headliner (cruise lines called us guest entertainers), I incorporated impressions back into my act because cruise ship audiences were old enough to appreciate my dead guys. After a few years though, some of my impressions weren’t working as well because many in the audience were younger and had no idea if my impressions were any good because they had no idea who those people were.
I liked getting booked and having money, so I started working on impressions and writing bits for people who were still alive. Humphrey Bogart worked fine in my act and Jack Nicholson was still alive, so they stayed in. But Walter Brennan would be dropped in favor of Clint Eastwood. I also needed someone to replace Jack Benny. I chose Johnny Carson because he was alive and my impression was stage ready. I wrote a comedy bit for Johnny and rehearsed it.
Now, I needed to test the new Carson bit in front of an audience. The rule in comedy is, something is not officially funny until an audience laughs at it. I learned that the hard way several times. You never forget the feeling of setting up a new joke and delivering the punchline, only to hear crickets while you and the audience have a staring contest. As tough as that is to experience, there is no better way to learn how to write comedy that makes people laugh.
Meanwhile, back out at sea…
I was working on a cruise ship that was island hopping in the Caribbean from Barbados to Fort Lauderdale. My final show was on the last night of the cruise which was Sunday, January 23, 2005. We were scheduled to dock in Port Everglades the next morning. I rehearsed the Johnny Carson bit several times on that Sunday afternoon to ensure I had the dialogue down pat and also, to confirm the impression was ready. All was good, so the Johnny Carson bit would premiere that night.
I don’t know if all comics are like this, but whenever I added a new major chunk to my act, I can’t stop thinking about it on stage while I’m performing. I try to tell myself to shut up and concentrate on what I’m doing, but, as my wife says, I have trouble listening.
Johnny Carson was part of a closing bit with the premise “What if you were pulled over on the highway by a cop who was a celebrity?” Johnny was the first impression in the bit. The Tonight Show Theme introduced the impression and I delivered the lines as written. The impression must have been okay because it received laughter and applause. Whew!
After the show, the cruise director and all the headliners gathered for a farewell drink. This particular CD was one of my favorites. She was a former ship entertainer (great singer) and knew the challenges we face on ships. She mentioned how much she liked my Johnny Carson impression. No wonder I liked her, huh?
The next morning, I disembarked in Fort Lauderdale and schlepped my luggage down the gangway and through the Port Everglades cruise ship terminal. Outside, I spotted a man standing beside a van holding a sign with my name on it. I always appreciated cruise lines that arranged my ground transportation to the airport. One less travel hassle for me.
I checked in with American Airlines and cleared TSA security. I headed to my gate with my carry-on to check out where it was. This was a precaution I always took because some overseas fly-by-night cheap-as-hell unnamed airlines will switch gate assignments and keep it a secret from the passengers. They must have thought it was a funny prank to pull, but it never got any laughs from me.
I arrived at my gate and the flight number and destination were there. Perfect, I thought, New York then Toronto. I headed over to a coffee shop and bought a cup of the deliciously strong Cuban coffee Miami is famous for. I went down the concourse and passed a seating area. A television was tuned to CNN which, as you know, is played ad nauseum in airports. I glanced up at the TV. Ed McMahon, Johnny Carson’s sidekick on The Tonight Show was being interviewed. I found an empty chair and sat down, but, by that time, the interview had ended. I turned to the guy beside me. “Why were they talking to Ed McMahon on CNN?” I asked.
“Duh,” he said in a voice that sounded a lot like Sylvester Stallone. “Everybody knows Carson died yesterday.”
“Well, I didn’t know,” I replied.
“Why not?”
“I’ve been away.”
“Where ya bin—on the moon?”
“I was on a cruise ship.”
“Don’t they got no TV sets on those boats?” the guy asked.
I couldn’t resist. “Actually, sir, you just used a double negative.”
“A what?” he asked.
“A double negative. To be absolutely grammatically correct, you should have phrased the question like this: ‘Don’t they have any TV sets on those boats?”
His brow furrowed as he thought about that. Then he turned to me. “Well,” he said. “Do they?”
“Yes,” I replied suppressing the need to laugh. “They do have television sets, but I was busy getting ready for… ” I stopped and thought better about telling this guy that I’m a cruise ship entertainer. I got out of my chair. “Listen,” I said. “It was nice talking to you.”
The man didn’t answer and appeared to be deep in thought. I figure he was searching his stored memory to see if it contained the definition of a double negative and determine if, in fact, he had misused it. I thought it was best to leave him alone while he searched.
I took my coffee over to a window. Ramp guys were loading… sorry… ramp guys were launching luggage into the baggage compartment of a 767. I had an eerie, spooky feeling I couldn’t shake. I had replaced Jack Benny with Johnny Carson assuming Johnny Carson was still alive, but he died only hours before I included him in my act. What was going on? Or better yet, what did it mean? Did it mean anything? Did it mean Clint Eastwood would die if I put him in my act? Or did it mean Johnny Carson was sending me a message? Was I somehow channeling him? Then I thought—I didn’t even know what channeling was.
There was no logical explanation and there still isn’t.
Like millions of people, I was sad when Johnny Carson passed away. He was the greatest late-night television host of all time and is still missed by his fans—including me.
However, there is a funny side to this whole thing. (funny haha, by the way) I had replaced a dead guy in my act with a guy I believed was alive, but, in reality, had died earlier that day, so he was not alive when, for the first time on stage, I added him to my act.
I believe Jack and Johnny would see the humor in that.
Oh, and there’s one more even stranger coincidence—something I had never heard before and was therefore unaware of when I switched Jack Benny for Johnny Carson. During a TV interview I saw at home later that week, Ed McMahon said…
Johnny Carson’s favorite comic was Jack Benny.